September 8th, 2023 changed my life forever. This was the first time in my life that i felt my body do something that it was programmed to do and I needed so much help and care. Giving birth to my daughter was a whirlwind of emotions. I was so caught up on the epidural and the adrenalin of giving birth that the chaos around me made it feel like the world stopped. My daughter was born with the cord tied around her neck multiple times, though she was okay, Thank God. I'll never forget the feeling of them rushing her to another room after pulling her out. I felt helpless, traumatized, scared. I needed stitches, I couldn't move and everything hurt. All while caring for my newborn as a first time mom. I didn't know what to do and I felt like my husband couldn't help, or maybe that he could but I wouldn't let him because I felt like this was something I had to do on my own. It was supposed to come naturally to me. Physically I was drained, emotionally I was wrecked, and mentally I couldn't figure out what planet I was on. I was in deep postpartum depression and I felt ashamed to reach out for help, until my husband told me that I was just a strong if not more when I got the help I needed. I saw a therapist and started talking to her about how I was feeling, the guilt that was eating me alive and how I felt like I was failing the one person that depended on me, my daughter. Society makes you feel like you're weak if you don't get the mom role right right away, like its something that is supposed to snap into place. However getting help and talking to other moms made me realize how brave it is to admit when you need help to be the best version of yourself for you and your loved ones around you. Care looks different for everyone, for some it may be working on things that relax and ground them while for others it may be going out and having fun. For me, it was talking it out to someone that had absolutely no connection to me, where I didn't feel that by talking I was laying my burden on them too.
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